I am grateful to be here today with all of you, and congratulations to the Roeper Class of 2024.
I want to talk about love, not as a platitude or nice lyrics in a pop song—rather, as the most important and powerful strategy for leading a meaningful, healthy, and satisfying life. Our hearts can be our guide and reference point.
Spiritual leaders and respected people throughout human history always come back to love and the importance of the power of love. I just heard an interview with US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy. He was asked, “If you could change one thing as Surgeon General that would be immutable for the long haul, what would it be?”
He responded: “If I could change one thing, it would be: I would want us to very explicitly, and unapologetically place love at the center of our lives as a galvanizing force in our society.”
I was very touched by that, especially since he is a scientist and someone in our government.
So then there are two questions to explore: 1) What is love? And 2) how to we access and cultivate it?
What is it? Thich Nat Han, a Vietnamese Buddhist Teacher, refers to the Sanskrit texts that say: the state of true love is made of four elements: kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity (balance or peacefulness of mind – even in the face of difficulty). He goes on to say that this true love has the power to heal and transform any situation and bring deep meaning to our lives.
Love is inherent in the mission of the school. As my mother said in the 2007 commencement speech: “If you really love yourself, then you will love life itself and you won’t want to hurt or harm others.”
The second question is: “How do we access and cultivate love?”
We were born with love as our essential state. When you see a newborn baby and they gaze at you, it’s from that fundamental state of love. A teacher of mine, Jack Kornfield, shared a practice: “When you are walking around the world, see every person as once having been a newborn child.” I have found that to be very helpful for me, especially if I encounter someone who is triggering and difficult for me. It helps me to remember that they were once a newborn child. Even your parents were once newborn children.
So our capacity for love is inherent when we’re born. But then life happens, and we get injured, hurt – and sometimes we can lose touch with our capacity for love. We need to nurture ourselves and take care of our hearts. It is essential to remember to treat ourselves with kindness and compassion. The Buddha says, “You can search the world over for someone that is more deserving of your love, than you yourself. And you will find no one who is more deserving than you yourself.”
I have a wonderful French teacher named Gilles. He says, with a very French accent, “Do what you love and know that you are loving it.” That’s the key. To do what you love and know so that you sense that loving place in your body.
Think of something right now – an activity you love. Notice what happens in your body. Another way to access your heart is to think of an act of kindness that someone has done towards you or that you have extended to someone else. What comes to me right now is something my father did that touched my heart. When I was 12 years old, I was very sick with measles, he came and sat with me and brought me a Bird of Paradise flower. To this day, my heart melts when I see those flowers.
Let’s take a moment right now. If you are comfortable, you can close your eyes or just let your attention go inward. Bring to mind something or someone that you love, or an animal that you love, or something that you love doing or feel passionate about. Just take a moment to really be there with that experience and let yourself feel it physically in your body. PAUSE. That sensation is your reference point. From there, open your eyes and look up and see everyone who’s here. Your classmates, your family, your teachers. See them from that place in your heart. Look out through that filter. The more that you use your heart as a guide as you move through the world, that reference place can help you even in challenging situations.
I’m going to come back to Vivek Murthy, US Surgeon General. He ended his interview with a question that he asks himself daily: “What would love do in a given circumstance as opposed to fear.” He says “It’s a question you want to ask yourself throughout life.”
As you meet the challenges that life presents remember to ask the question: What would love do? What would be a loving way for me to move forward? That’s what I want to leave you with. As you navigate your choices use the feelings and sensations in your heart as a guide and reference point.
And do what you love and know that you’re loving it.
by Karen Roeper | Graduation Speech at Roeper School 2024